Uniformed Paramilitaries for Christ in Fort Lauderdale Click HERE to Bring Up Full Post

Check out the new Christian militarism, replete with military garb.

One thinks of the morals police in Saudi Arabia: the Committee for the Propagation of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice. Or the quote attributed to Sinclair Lewis:

When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.

I think we need a little more Ethan Allen, Samuel Adams, Ben Franklin and Tom Paine, and a whole lot less of these freaks.

To what extent the Republican Party has gone from being the party of a government-skeptic Goldwater and to being the Christian Nationalist Party, I cannot say, though the overtones of the bloodbath at the recent Anne Arundel County Republican Central Committee as reported by Greg Kline, Brian Griffiths and David Kyle left me chilled. I found of particular interest the comments of Maryland Chesapeake Blog, whose unstated assumption from the MORE MODERATE side of their recent unfortunate intra-party food fight seemed to be that specifically Christian teachings were or should have been the governing principles of how the Republican Party should operate there. Implicit therein: non-Christians, meaning non-evangelical Christians, practically - were not part of the community, or at least were not of consequence. Mind you, I don't know that a Christian Nationalist Party is per se a bad thing. I would rather that those who support an integration of Christian ecclesiology and doctrine into the forceful apparatus of the state make their case openly and without apology, same way that I fight for liberal, secular values and governance.

UPDATE: David Kyle suggests in comments that he did not blog very well but it is I who failed to add the appropriate tone of snark and humor to the prior paragraph that I sought. Long week, been working too hard. Please note the Schadenfreude and humor tags in reference to the parliamentary food fight in Annapolis. While I do believe that the Republican Party is slouching towards theocratic tendencies, Annapolis' recent kerfuffle is not evidence of same. Frankly, was just trying to find the sense of humor that I seem to have difficulties finding of late. Harrumph and good natured ribbing to all.

The Right Way to Humiliate the Ku Klux Klan Click HERE to Bring Up Full Post

Asheville IndyMedia, May 28, 2007 (HAT TIP Digby, Sept 3, 2007):

"White Power!" the Nazi’s shouted, "White Flour?" the clowns yelled back running in circles throwing flour in the air and raising separate letters which spelt "White Flour".

"White Power!" the Nazi’s angrily shouted once more, "White flowers?" the clowns cheers and threw white flowers in the air and danced about merrily.

...

At this point several of the Nazi’s and Klan members began clutching their hearts as if they were about to have a heart attack. Their beady eyes bulged, and the veins in their tiny narrow foreheads beat in rage. One last time they screamed "White Power!"

The clown women thought they finally understood what the Klan was trying to say. "Ohhhhh…" the women clowns said. "Now we understand…", "WIFE POWER!" they lifted the letters up in the air, grabbed the nearest male clowns and lifted them in their arms and ran about merrily chanting "WIFE POWER! WIFE POWER! WIFE POWER!"

Good Crabbing Award to this assembly of flour-tossing "Wife Power" militants. Nobody got killed, nobody got hospitalized and probably a couple of the younger Klan-lings got the point that what they were thinking and doing was completely ^@*$@#) asinine. The best way to get to these idiots is not to throw a brick at them but to give them Marxist ridicule, in Jean-Luc Godard's sense of Marxism.

Bush Impeachment Bingo Click HERE to Bring Up Full Post

Please enjoy. May be distributed with attribution to Crab Media and www.crablaw.com without limitation or royalty.

78 % Nerd, 26% Geek, 47% Dork Click HERE to Bring Up Full Post

I think my own Geek score is a little low. Self-test available here.

HAT TIP to Charles County Cafe.

Company Hierarchy Click HERE to Bring Up Full Post

Check out GapingVoid.com for additional "cartoons drawn on the back of business cards." Image copied from this page in accordance with Creative Commons License.

Attila: Whom Would You Invade As President? Click HERE to Bring Up Full Post

The Master of All Things Idiotic has proven his skills yet again.

Go read and document the body count. Future such grenades will be labelled as "Idiolympics."

P.S. Many thanks to Attila for clueing in the clueless on how to do a screen capture and save in Windows.

Maryland Conservatarian is Back And Ready to Party Click HERE to Bring Up Full Post

A warm welcome back to the blogosphere to Maryland Conservatarian, who after a successful move to Rockville from Baltimore is ready to fight against the forces of evil. We the forces of evil are on due notice. I am happy for MC (and, to my demerit, more than a little jealous) that his house is now about 12 minutes from his work and a brief walk to the Shady Grove Metro. Congrats!

Don't Mess With the Liberal Blogger Mafia Click HERE to Bring Up Full Post

(Photo is copied with permission from ultimate source that made fair use for parody of copyrighted material.)

Check out how Maryland-based blogger Oliver Willis is making his bones on the way to head of the Media Matters crime family, one hapless "whacked" conservative blogger at a time.

As for me, I am trying hard not to be Fredo; that takes energy enough.

Meta: At Which Time Crablaw's Editor Put Down His Crack-Pipe.... Click HERE to Bring Up Full Post

[Editor's note: to the Bar Authorities of Maryland and the District of Columbia, the following is a satirical "rant" in the irreverent style of a "blogger" who is pretending to abuse a non-existent employee and to violate that employee's civil and statutory rights. The account is fictional and is intended for humor purposes only. Crablaw Maryland Weekly (CMW) and Crab Media uphold the duty of an attorney in both the State of Maryland and the District of Columbia to observe all laws and to promote their observance. Nothing in this rant should be taken so as to endorse misconduct or conduct prejudicial to the administration of justice as defined by any attorney disciplinary authority or court.]

[To all drug enforcement agencies: CMW does not endorse the use of any illegal or controlled substance except as lawfully prescribed and as used in accordance with that lawful prescription. In addition, CMW does not endorse the possession, use or sale of any drug paraphenalia as defined by applicable statute.]

[To the Department of Labor, Licensing and Regulation of the State of Maryland and the United States Department of Labor: as noted above, no employee actually exists here. No attempt has been made to interfere, unlawfully or otherwise, with any attempt by any employee to form, join or participate in the management of a union or union local.]

[To all agencies of the United States Department of Homeland Security: notwithstanding any representations to the contrary, which were in each case intended as humor and not as a representation of facr or actual intention, there is no relationship between Crab Media and any foreign dealer in artemia or other aquacultural products.]

When I came into Crab Media's world headquarters this morning, I had to kick Theodore, my editor-in-chief and technical advisor, hard in the rear end. I got a look at how poorly the site presented itself on Internet Explorer. Theodore did it again. I had to remind Theodore that I had his union shop steward on the crack pipe through "my people" and that I knew that the shop steward was supplying Theodore with crack himself. I warned Theodore that I was not above cleaning house, that I was cash-rich and that if my people in China shipped me another shipment of "artemia" (wink, wink) I would be cash rich after I put the "artemia" on the street enough to move Crab Media's headquarters away from Reisterstown to just outside of Zurich, leaving Theodore's Natty-Boh drinking rear-end stuck in Arbutus, of all forsaken places.

Theodore better recognize that I am not joking. After the jerk-around on today's MARC train, I want to move to a place where trains observe schedules, and the best place to do that is the country that turned clock- and watch-making into folk art.

To Crablaw's readers who use Internet Explorer, I apologize. I was so proud of myself for how I had handled the coding for Mozilla that I failed to test for Internet Explorer - a ghastly, sub-amateur design oversight. I have made a jerry-rig solution to the problem which I, frankly, don't like; IE and Mozilla show all of the same material now reasonably, but with a different spacing between the 2nd and 3rd columns. I may be able to fix that later today, but I don't have a lot of time to be away from my day job. In any event, thank you for your patience.

Jokes and snark aside, thanks for your patience with the recent changes; hope they help you get more out of this site. The foregoing above was a rushed attempt to tie 15 inside jokes from this site and recent reports of government heavy-handedness into something funny. Take none of it seriously; I respect the government, just want it more prudently administered with different policy priorities. Would erase the material above, but I don't like erasing material including material I grow not to like; seems like copping out, just a personal opinion for this site. Thanks.

How Fascism Starts Click HERE to Bring Up Full Post

WARNING: this YouTube is of a VERY, VERY indecent comedy presentation and is NOT for everyone. I enjoy indecent humor in certain contexts (I LOVE the late Richard Pryor), but what I enjoy after the kids are sound asleep may be profoundly offensive to some Crablaw readers, whose varied sensibilities on such matters I respect and have attempted to accommodate more fully in matters of style in recent months.

This YouTube does not constitute normal Crablaw Maryland Weekly fare. There have been a lot of stylistic changes at CMW over this weekend but this YouTube is not among them.

In my view, the probative value of this tape as a sign of our times substantially exceeds its prejudicial effect of its offensiveness, to quote from a common evidentiary rule in my profession.

This tape is evidence of an assault, an act of malicious destruction of property (to wit the working papers of a performer) and disorderly conduct.

If you are offended by graphic sexual language, I have no means of "bleeping" out the offensive language, but at about 0:52-55 forward is where the most indecent content of the show stops, and the peculiar gang-up on the performer begins. There IS referential use of the F-Bomb thereafter but it is in the context of an after-the-assault meta-discussion of how far the show itself goes, not for gratuitous purposes or as part of the (then interrupted by young fascists) show.

This YouTube is not for the children, not in the least.



Jen of The News Blog on this assault:

There's no doubt that this was planned--it was a sold out show and over 80 ChristoZombies attended.

Other than thanking these retards for giving him material for his next monologue and book (and no doubt [...]loads of free publicity--he's already been on TV a few times (search Mike Daisey on YouTube)--I think he's re-opened the dialogue on the place of religion in public policy discourse in his own way, especially its role in "liberal" cities like Boston.

When it all boils down, a lot of "public policy" on tolerance in the US and on college campuses isn't about keeping angry mobs from burning down the houses of worship of unpopular minorities--it's about allowing a certain degree of intolerance by verbal minorities to be enshrined in public policy. Lip service to creationism, restrictions on sex education and contraception access, and blue laws of all stripes are all sleeping Nosferatus with spikes in their hearts, rumbling in the shallow grave of America's Puritan past.

When Jen used the word "retards" I think she meant "fascists," fascist being in reality the far worse insult. But I am not going to call a "Don Imus" on Jen, because she is helping to care for Steve Gilliard through an unbelievable health crisis and recovery. So upon her peace. While ChristoZombies is a bit derogatory, they were part of a mob that committed a crime, maybe several crimes, so "ChristoFascist wannabes" would have been more on target.

I hope some people get a couple weekends in jail for this.

In fairness, it should be noted that the vast majority of conservative Christians in metropolitan Boston (yes, there are such) had nothing to do with this assault, and many of them would support the vigorous prosecution of the offenders. I use the term "assault" here as a catch-all term for assault, battery or assault and battery; while Maryland has consolidated the crimes of offensive contact (battery) and imminently threatened or attempted offensive contact (assault) into one statute, I don't actually know how the Commonwealth of Massachusetts handles such charges.

When fascism takes over a society, fascism does not send every citizen/subject a certified letter noting the suspension of freedom of speech and of assembly and an option to opt out of the class of victimized slaves, as if it were a class action suit for an over charge on your cell phone bill.

And people tell me I am crazy and paranoid for being concerned about the rise of theocratic politics and an intrusive state.

A Public Service Announcement Brought to You By ... Artemia Click HERE to Bring Up Full Post

Zhu Zuyang of Qinghai Delingha Gahai Lake Artemia Co., April 17, 2007:

Dear Sir/Madam,

I had contacted with you about artemia (brine shrimp eggs) business in recent days. I hope my email did not interrupt you. If you don't like this email, please reply me soon, I will remove your email from our list. Thanks.

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The following is our new artemia quotations for May,2007. If you or your clients are interested in them, please reply me soon. Thank you.

Brand name: SUNNY

Artemia cysts:
Packing: vacuum can, 425 gram per can, 12 cans per case.

Price:
Premium Grade(origin:Bohai Bay,China), hatch rate 90%. 280,000 NPG, FOB Beijing USD 16.00 per can.
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Grade B(origin:Bohai Bay,China), hatch rate 80%. 200,000 NPG, FOB Beijing USD 14.00 per can.
Grade C(origin:Xinjiang, China), hatch rate 80%. 185,000 NPG, FOB Beijing USD 9.50 per can.
Grade D(origin:Russian), hatch rate 80%. 175,000 NPG, FOB Beijing USD 8.50 per can.

Spirilla powder(Feed Grade), FOB Beijing USD 10.80 per kg.
Frozen brine shrimp biomass, FOB Beijing USD 0.80 per kg.(shipped by refrigeration container)

If you have any problem, please email us freely.

Your any reply will be appreciated.

Qinghai Delingha Gahai Lake Artemia Co.,Ltd 150 Qingtacun,Yongdinglu Nankou, Beijing,100039,China Email:zhuzuyang@21cn.com http://artemia.6to23.com Tel/Fax:8610-60518380

Best Regards,

Zhu Zuyang(President)
2007.04.17

To new readers, Mr. Zhu has been attempting to sell me artemia to feed my crabs, under the misapprehension that I am in the crab business. I have written Mr. Zhu a number of times warmly explaining that I wished him well but that I had no need for artemia. But he is back at it, again. So rather than get into a foul mood over spam, I decided to have some fun and give Mr. Zhu some free advertising.

If you need artemia, this man definitely wants your business.

Baltimore Sun: Price to Flush Toilet in Baltimore to Stay Constant Click HERE to Bring Up Full Post

Baltimore Sun, April 12, 2007:

Baltimore officials temporarily delayed a proposed 30 percent increase in water and sewer bills that could affect nearly 2 million residents after auditors asserted Wednesday that the city is collecting millions of dollars more than it needs to improve its aging underground infrastructure.

Comptroller Joan M. Pratt, who has long opposed sewer rate increases, said the city has amassed a $40 million surplus over the past three years that should be used to offset the new fees, which come at the same time that residents are facing higher electricity bills and property taxes.

A few questions....

1. Is the fact that I find this story funny a sign of my immaturity?

2. If so, do I have to pay Attila a royalty?

3. Did Archie and Edith ever fight about the price of a flush on All in the Family?

Jokes aside, we get City water here as do many Baltimore County residents. Glad to hear that rates will not be jumping up.

Chris Rock: How Not to Get Your A## Kicked By the Police Click HERE to Bring Up Full Post

HAT TIP to an anonymous reader.