I feel that we liberals should help our fellow conservatives in their darkest hour. Particularly here in Maryland where poor Republican voters are forced into either their fourth choice, their fifth choice or a protest vote, where the LOSING Democratic candidate in a major Congressional race out-polls all Republican votes cast for that office about 4.5 to 1, where votes cast here for badly losing Democratic Presidential contender Hillary Clinton almost exceed those for all Republican candidates combined - it's enough to make a poor Republican weep into his latte.

So we should be decent and help them in their grief.

1) It's acceptable to buy a conservative a beer and let him vent. Don't take personally anything they say about Ted Kennedy's driving or Bill Clinton's ... social life. Let them vent, be there for them.

2) Offer to make them a nice tofu dinner with sprouts; they are in grief and are not in a position to cook.

3) Remind them of the happier times for conservatives. Print out this picture of Ike Eisenhower. Talk about golf - Ike always liked golf, and conservatives usually appreciate it.

4) Remind them that there are bad Democrats too, like this one, and this one, and this one. Don't talk about Donna Edwards, it will just make them upset.

5) If you work in DC and you see a Republican lobbyist on the ledge of his K Street building tomorrow threatening to jump, for heaven's sake don't stand below him and and encourage him. Get the heck across the street and encourage him from the other side, encouraging him to jump up and out at a 45 degree angle, so as to maximize forward displacement in a parabolic arc. This way, he hits the street and not the sidewalk, avoiding Democratic pedestrians leaving the Farragut North Metro portal and aiming at golly-gee hypnotized red-state tourists in oversized rental cars with Virginia plates.

5a) Just kidding. Even a Republican lobbyist should not be encouraged to jump. Just play Barbra Streisand behind him and he will get the point. I suggest "The Way We Were."

5b) Okay, I am actually a Streisand fan, so kill me to spare me my private, filthy shame.